Bismillah
Love. Four simple letters yet they evoke an array of emotions and
responses. In this context, the love that I am referring to is that
which develops between people of the opposite genders. In love we
sacrificie everything for our beloved. In love, we become defensive of
our beloved. In love, we are willing to fight for our beloved! In love,
we love selflessly! Love is something no one is exempt from. In one
point of our lives or another, we have most likely experienced it or in
the lives of those that are close to us. The degree of which differing
from one person to another. The focus here, however, is relationships
that many of the youth seem to be involved in. Some of which are headed
towards the right direction but many of which are headed towards the
wrong direction. Improper Relationships.
Whenever you get into an improper relationship, a part of you dies. Your
ability to trust, confide in and even love someone again may decrease.
This is because you had such a strong emotional attachment with the
person and you had high expectations. In your mind, 'he' was perfect. In
your mind, 'we' were perfect. You acted like he was your husband and
held hands, talked all night and felt the need not to wear hijab in
front of him because you thought, 'I'm going to marry him anyways'. All
the while, deep inside your heart and at the back of your mind, you knew
all this was wrong. Something was disturbing your heart through it all
but you pushed it aside and made excuses for yourself. Had you listened
and gave up that which was disturbing your heart, you would have
realized this was a mercy from God to save you from further heartbreak.
However, when you ignored it, you became more vulnerable to the
situation and a prisoner in a prison which you yourself put yourself
in.
Relationships have various degrees and if you are in one now, it may not
be so extreme and you can just be talking but for some it goes to the
extent of very haram situations. Regardless, even if you tell yourself,
you are only talking about the deen (all night!?) so it's fine, know
that it's not fine because one step leads to another no matter how
religious you think you are. It's shaitaan's deception to you. And
finally, in the end, it doesn't work out; your parents aren't agreeing
or he turns out to be a complete jerk or something else. Know that since
your relationship was improper, there was no Barakah in it from God
since its inception and you broke many of God's commandments, so how can
you have a favorable end to it?
But what if I am genuinely in love?
For those who genuinely are in love and not just acting on their
temporary infatuations should safeguard this love because it can prove
to be a beautiful thing if not stained with our lusts and desires before
marriage. We cannot control who we might essentially end up falling in
love with but we can control the actions it leads us to. If the love
prompts you to cross the boundaries of Islam where you are meeting
secretly with the person, dating, engaging in obscene activity with the
person then this is plunging yourself in a pool of illusions of love.
Whatever leads you to disobeying God can never be right. However, if you
are not doing any of these things but really want to consider this
person for marriage because of what you have observed of this person in a
natural setting. i.e, good character, piety, acts of kindness,
behavior, then there is nothing wrong in that inshaa'Allah.
The crucial part is in how you would go about the process. Allah has
ordained marriage to satisfy and channel our natural inclinations and
desires towards the opposite gender in a proper manner and through it
you are even rewarded by Allah. Which other religion rewards you for
this?! If you develop feelings for someone strong enough to consider
them for marriage then get your family and those who are responsible and
pious involved. Everyone’s situation may be different and this requires
different approaches so make use of your local Imams and Mashaaikh.
They are there to direct you towards a discourse pleasing to God while
considering your feelings and situation. That's what the companions did!
They referred to Prophet Sallalahu Alyehi Wasallam. It may or may not
surprise you that that Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alyehi
Wasallam recognized love as a natural feeling so long as it was within
the bounds of the Sharee’ah.
Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alyehi Wasallam attitude towards those who were in love... (TO BE CONTINUED Inshaa'Allah)
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