Istikhara – The Virtue Of Involving Allah In Your Life
By Pure Matrimony - Allah SWT in all his power did not leave us on this
Earth without any form of guidance. He in all his infinite mercy created
us and sent us the Qur’an as a means to live. And of all the most
beautiful things which Allah SWT has given us is Istikhara – direct
counsel from Allah SWT Himself!
All this means is that when you make the intention of doing anything
which is a major decision in your life such as moving home, buying
something expensive, taking a particular action or when marrying
someone, you can ask your Creator for guidance through istikhara.
And verily Allah SWT does not turn away his believing servant who
offers his salah and abstains from bad and makes istikhara to help make
the best decisions that will be of benefit to them. The truth is that
people will often think something is good for them, when in actual fact
it is very bad for them. But they don’t know this.
When you make istikhara, you are asking Allah SWT Himself what HE
KNOWS to be right for you. You aren’t relying on your own heart or mind
to make a decision because Allah knows what we do not, and it is HE who
decides if something is good for us or not.
When you intend to marry someone, ALWAYS make istikhara so you will
know yourself once and for all whether someone is worth it for you and
if they are good for you. Sometimes we are blinded by our feelings
towards someone so much that we can’t see whether or not this person
will be good for us in the long term.
But when you make istikhara, Allah will show you whether this person
is good for you by either making your affairs EASY or DIFFICULT. If it
is easy for you, then Allah has willed it for you. And if it is
difficult for you, then Allah is actually turning you away from it.
Narrated by Jabir RA:
The Prophet used to teach us the Istikhara for each
and every matter as he used to teach us the Suras from the Holy Qur’an.
(He used to say), “If anyone of you intends to do something, he should
offer a two-Rak’at prayer other than the obligatory prayer, and then
say: ‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, wa astaqdiruka
biqudratika, wa as’aluka min fadlika-l-’azim, fa innaka taqdiru wala
aqdiru, wa ta’lamu wala a’lamu, wa anta’allamu-l-ghuyub. Allahumma in
kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa ‘aqibati
amri (or said, fi ‘ajili amri wa ajilihi) fa-qdurhu li, Wa in kunta
ta’lamu anna ha-dha-l-amra sharrun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa ‘aqibati
amri (or said, fi ajili amri wa ajilihi) fasrifhu ‘anni was-rifni ‘anhu
wa aqdur li alkhaira haithu kana, thumma Raddani bihi,” Then he should mention his matter (need).
Istikhara is one of the BEST and most recommended actions you can
take BEFORE you marry someone so you can PREVENT problems from the
outset and have a happy, fulfilled and blessed marriage Insha’Allah.
Put it this way – if Allah decides someone is good for us, who are we
then to question his judgement?
Doing istikhara means having COMPLETE reliance on Allah SWT and
trusting Him to make the best decision for you. Unlike popular myths out
there, you don’t have a dream which tells you what to do. Nor can you
ask someone to make istikhara on your behalf.
It’s also worth noting that one of the conditions of Istikhara is
that you MUST be doing your five daily salahs and must keep away from
bad things. Allah SWT will only accept the duas of those who are
obedient to Him, and remember that there is NO obedience to any creation
over obedience to the Creator. And may Allah SWT make it easy for us
all and give us the means to be dutiful servants to Him so we may
prosper in this life and the next – ameen. Pure Matrimony ….Where Practice Makes Perfect Source:www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site for Practicing Muslims Want to know more practical tips of how to avoid problems
in your marriage? Then register for our upcoming event: Marital
Breakdown – It’s Causes and its Cures by going to:https://www.facebook.com/events/430825856991595/ Love this article? Sign up for even more amazing content atwww.PureMatrimony.com/blogwhere we update our blog on marital issues regularly. Love to learn? Like us on Facebook by going tohttps://www.facebook.com/PureMatrimonywhere we share details on webinars and lectures by prominent Shayookhs every month! You are free to use this article on your website or
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at the end!
By Pure Matrimony - Source: aaila.org Author: Abu I’mran I
apologies in advance to any sisters reading this, but there is a
serious point that I am trying to get across. It is currently ‘that time
of the month’ for my wife and she has gone off in a huff over a picture
of a lemon (or so I think). This is nothing new and something that I
have become used to over the period of our marriage. Things like this
are trivial to me, but seem to tip her over the edge. However, I then
remembered that one of the qualities of all good Muslims is patience (sabr).
I know that at ‘this time of the month’, I need to just let her be
rather than make a bigger issue about this. She will eventually calm
down and things will be normal again.
‘What does this have to do with parenting/mums?’ you are probably
asking? Well, something that I learnt on a very good course that I went
to recently (‘Home Sweet Home’ by Al Kauthar Institute), was that the first thing that a woman should look for in a potential husband is moral conduct. The Prophet (SAW) said: “If a man comes (and asks for your daughter’s hand in
marriage), who possesses ethical conduct and religious origin, then
marry him (to her). If you do not, it will be a great trial and mischief
on the face of the earth.”(Tirmidhi, Ibn-Majah and al-Hakim)
In the commentary for this hadith, it says that if a man does not
possess moral conduct, then he may not treat her kindly and with greater
understanding, especially at ‘that time of the month’. Patience is one
manifestation of this moral conduct and I would say that this also
applies to how you treat your children too, and not just your wife. The
understanding that a husband should give to his wife, should also be
applied to his children too, as the consequences will accumulate and hit
you when you least expect it (and want it).
Raising children is difficult and Alhamdulillah, we are now living in
a time where more people realize that both parents have an important
role to play in this process. Without patience, I believe that you will
be raising children who will also not have patience. First and foremost,
we are examples to our children and they invariably learn by watching
us. We must therefore show some patience in order to receive it, and for
them to practice this. I am not saying that this is easy, as this can
be a very hard thing to remember when one of your children is squashing
his lunch into the carpet whilst the other is crying! But I firmly
believe that even in such situations, if you are patient, you will
succeed in the long run. Persevere with trying to get your child to eat,
potty train, say ‘salam’ to guests, etc. And ultimately, I keep in mind
that our children are a trust from Allah (SWT) and they will testify to
him, as to whether we raised them up well. It was narrated from
‘Abd-Allah (RA) that the Prophet (SAW) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his
flock. The ruler who is in charge of people is a shepherd and is
responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of his household and is
responsible for them. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house
and child and is responsible for them. The slave is the shepherd of his
master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for his flock.” (al-Bukhari, 2416; Muslim,
1829)
My message to myself and everyone is that ultimately, we will all
reap what we sow If we bear the trials of parenthood with patience, we
will Inshallah succeed in raising pious children who will in turn treat
us with patience, when we need it the most (if we live that long!). Source: aaila.org
From My Heart To Yours – The Hidden Dangers Of Love
Love
is blind, so they say. Is it REALLY? I’ve spent the last 20 years
observing ‘love’ in difficult and exceptional circumstances and have
come to one conclusion and one conclusion alone. Love is a disease
which needs to be treated with one remedy and one alone – marriage.
Ibn ‘Abbaas also narrated that the Prophet said: “Marriage is the best solution for those in love.” [Ibn Maajah]
The truth of the matter is that when two people are in love, the see
no one else except their own desires and easily fall into sin. There is
no ‘halal’ love.
The Prophet SAW says: “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the
third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2546)
The hadith proves one thing and one thing alone – that no matter how
well meaning our intentions are, Shaytaan always comes between two
people to cause their hearts to become weak. And I have witnessed this
countless times over my lifetime…
While at college, I witnessed a brother who became rather obsessed by
a sister who happened to be a Shia. She found him witty, charming and
funny and it would have been fair to say they had an instant attraction.
Over time, the two of them developed a special and deep bond – so
much so that they would never be seen without each other. This was the
‘romance of the college.’ Astagfirullah, the sister admitted to me that
she had indeed fallen into the major sin of fornication – insisting that
‘it just happened’. The worst of it was that they never married because
their aqeedah was completely different.
Then there are cases of so-called platonic relationships where these
too have ended up in fornication. The ‘love’ for a friend can often brew
into something more – which can ruin lives and leave guilt that lasts a
lifetime.
I’ve often heard people saying that their intentions were ‘good’ when
they initially wanted to marry someone and weren’t interested in
anything other than marriage. Family problems and the refusal to allow
people to marry because of ethnicity, backgrounds, cultures etc can
cause heartache for the ones in question…and this can eventually lead
into sin.
The truth of the matter is that unless you are so exceptionally
strong in your faith to turn away the desires of the heart, the best
solution is to keep away from the one you have feelings for and get the
family involved so they can get you married in the most respectful way
possible.
I’ve seen sisters who have emotionally blackmailed brothers into
marrying them or being with them. I even heard of a case where a sister
deliberately got pregnant because she didn’t want to lose the brother.
Five years later, they are divorced and there is a constant struggle
between the two with regards to the children.
I’ve witnessed brothers promise sisters the world and then give them
nothing in return except heartache. I know of a sister who married a
brother with a drinking problem because he swore he would change after
marriage. It never happened and ten years and two children later, they
are divorced.
There is no such thing as ‘halal’ love, no matter how well meaning
your intentions are. The affairs of the heart are not easy and in every
case the only solution if you truly fear Allah SWT is to get married as
soon as possible so that your desires can be nurtured in a halal way
that is acceptable to Allah SWT.
May Allah SWT protect us all from falling into sin and grant us
righteous spouses who keep us happy and fulfilled and help us attain
jannah – ameen.
Written by The Girl In The Black Hijaab Pure Matrimony… ….Where Practice Makes Perfect Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site for Practicing Muslims Want to know the truth about halal and haram relationships? Then join Sheikh Musleh Khan for the upcoming webinar ‘Haram and Halal Relationships In Islam’ by registering at https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/405316082 Love this article? Sign up for even more amazing content at www.PureMatrimony.com/blog where we update our blog on marital issues regularly. Love to learn? Like us on Facebook by going to https://www.facebook.com/PureMatrimony where we share details on webinars and lectures by prominent Shayookhs every month! You are free to use this article on your website or
newsletter as long as you ensure you credit our site and Facebook page
at the end!
So You Want To Marry My Daughter?
By Pure Matrimony - Source:www.saudilife.net Author: Uzma Awan
THERE comes a time in your life when you have accomplished all the general things according to people’s criteria and
a position on the invisible advisory board for public service opens up
for you. Now, if you are explicitly a quiet person, it is implied you
are a good listener as well. If you are a polite and down-to-earth
person, it is expected you will totally accept other’s alibi and submit.
This brings along surprises, amusements, shocks, disappointments,
anguish and eventually exasperation.
Since your marital experience has crossed the +1 mark, you are now
entitled to join the league of match making ladies. In the process you
will meet sisters acknowledging, “There aren’t any good men left anymore” and brothers asking, “So, do you have any suitable girl for me in your mind?” The latter will give you a momentary jolt. You will have a quick talk with your inner self, “Do I look that old now?” But since, you have accepted a position on that invisible advisory board you are to honor your duties dutifully.
Assuming the responsibility, a series of questions and answers follow. The following is how the conversation takes place: You: “What kind of a girl do you have in mind?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Ah, well you know! She
should be mature, educated, friendly, able to adjust with family, simple
yet able to move in crowd with me, and of course a practicing Muslimah. She must wear hijab and offer all her prayers. That’s a must you know.” You: [memorizing the long list of must-haves and
knowing how looks are important to some of us] “And what about her
looks? You are okay with marrying anyone? Looks aren’t that important
for you?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “O no! The Prophet said
we should have a look at the girl before marrying her. You can certainly
show her picture or introduce her to me. You can send me link to her
social media profile, can’t you?” You: [Concealing uneasiness] “But if she is a practicing Muslimah how will she allow her picture being sent over?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Ah well! Because shewants to get married.” You: [O so that’s the reason. Gulping it down the throat; change the subject] “And what do you do for a living?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: [laughter] “Nothing.” You: [jaw dropped, eyebrows raised] “What do you mean by nothing?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Well, I graduated from [insert any renowned university]. I have a Masters in [insert any popular degree].” You: “Yeah that’s brilliant but what about your career? What do you plan to do in your life?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Well, I live with my parents I don’t need to work.” You: “Then how will you bear the expenses; your own and your wife’s? You understand your family will be growing in the future, in sha Allah?” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “I have a rich Dad. He pays for my expenses. He will take care of us.” You: [losing your patience] “I am not sure if any
father would like to give his daughter’s hand in marriage to someone
whose future is uncertain. You need to do something. You have to show
you are responsible and can be depended upon.” Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “The Prophet said, when
you are giving your daughter’s hand in marriage choose the one whose
faith pleases you. I am a good Muslim I don’t cause anyone any harm.”
[followed by a big wide smile] You: [flabbergasted! Desperately waiting for the
phone to ring. Hoping the aunty sitting two tables across you waves and
calls you over. Help’s not coming….run!]
We, the Muslims, the lovers of Rasoolullah sallAllahu aalyhi wa sallam stumble and falter trying to submit to the commands of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, but we try our best to hold on to our Prophet’s Sunnah. There’s one Sunnah in particular that is too dear to our hearts – marriage is half of your deen.
Indeed, it is! Since we are quoting the best person who ever walked on this earth, let’s peek into his seerah to educate ourselves on how he lived.
His first marriage to a rich businesswoman took place when he was
only twenty five years old. An age most of us would like to get married
by. How was he chosen as the best prospect among several others?
Khadeeja radhiAllahi anha chose him after evaluating his honesty and trustworthiness in business dealings.
As much as a daughter’s marriage is any parents’ biggest dream come
true, they will not give her hand to just about anyone. Marriage is a
heavy responsibility. It is also a trust from Allahsubhanahu wa ta’ala. Parents
will thoroughly investigate the prospective husband’s background and
when it satisfies their heart only then will they approve of him.
Putting yourself in any parent’s position, reflect on the following: Alhumdulillah that you are a good Muslim, and you do not
cause anyone any harm, but being a Muslim doesn’t mean to sit back and
see life unfold. By being curious about your working status, we, the
parents, are not eyeing your money. We want to ensure when times are
tough you will remain her strongest shoulder. She will not reminisce the
days spent at her parents’ home and feel her past was better than her
today. She wouldn’t look at us with complaining eyes in silence; her
state narrating her ordeal. We don’t want either of you to hold grudges
or anger and harm your own health. We want her to look forward to her
life with you.
We have not raised our daughter to chase dunya, alhumdulillah like you she is a good Muslimahas
well. She is not a materialistic person but she is a human, you know?
She has needs. There will be grocery expenses even if she chooses frugal
living for herself. You expect her to accompany you at social
gatherings; she will need clothes to adorn. She can live with one new
dress in two months, but clothes cost money, you know?
With the coming of the baby, in sha Allah, the expenses will
increase further. The baby ain’t a toy either even if you choose
mother’s milk and cloth diapers for him, there will be pediatrician’s
visits you can’t avoid.
You see we raised our daughter with good values and pleasing conduct.
We equipped her with the right education. We now expect that her knight
in shining armor will take care of our beautiful daughter the way we
did. He will help her grow both emotionally and intellectually. He will
be a reason for her personal strength.
You may be a gentleman, but by your following a disciplined life
proves you are responsible. You have goals and some purpose to serve. We
don’t expect you to be a CEO at a multinational. We didn’t say your
salary should be in six figures. Our expectations are quite realistic.
We want our daughter to feel good about herself, safe and fulfilled
while being with you.
And if you say you will pick some freelance projects, when your
parents stop supporting you, do you expect us to see our daughter suffer
between project to project not knowing when the next project will come?
As much as you want to marry a mature girl who supports and stands by
you, we hope you will be mature enough to provide her a life worth
standing by you.
We can’t marry our daughter off because she must be married.
We love her and we want to ensure what’s best for her. If you want to
hasten the marriage process for the sake of commitment, we advise you to
speed up your job hunting process as well. It is Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala Who writes the qadr. If you have been chosen as her prospective husband, there’s nothing in the world that can alter it.
We don’t have any unreasonable expectations, you see? It is our heart that seeks contentment. Source:www.saudilife.net Pure Matrimony ….Where Practice Makes Perfect Want to use this article on your website, blog or
newsletter? You are welcome to reprint this information as long as you
include the following information:Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site For Practicing Muslims Love this article? Learn more by signing up for our updates here:http://www.muslimmarriageguide.com Or register with us to find half of your deen Insha’Allah by going to:www.PureMatrimony.com
By Pure Matrimony - Source: saudilife.net Author: Zainab Bint Younus TWO
extremes are found amongst the Muslim youth regarding marriage:
Over-idealism, wherein they imagine that marriage will make their life
perfect; and severe pessimism, wherein marriage is viewed to be the end
of independence, ambition, and a future career.
Marriage is rarely seen for what it is: a long-term blessed bond
between a Muslim man and woman, a relationship of love, compassion, and
growth in all areas of life. Islam’s concept of marriage is a
wholesome, encompassing ideal, which recognizes not only the blessings
and challenges of marriage on an individual level, but a societal one as
well. Many of the ayaat and ahadeeth relating to
the marital bond contain references to the relationship between a man
and a woman, and its effect on society at large.
The Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:“If there comes to you to marry (your daughter) one who with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the land and widespread corruption.”(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 866.)
For those who imagine that marriage is the secret to a Disney kind of
happiness, this illusion will mostly likely be shattered quickly,
leaving them unable to cope with its reality. No two individuals can
live together, in close proximity and for an extended period of time,
without experiencing disagreements or moments of frustration and anger.
Being unable to recognize this, or accept this, is crippling – only
by realizing that this the natural course of life,
especially married life, will two spouses be able to identify the
appropriate manner of dealing with their issues and using it as a means
of strengthening their relationship, instead of allowing it to weaken
and destroy their marriage.
On the other hand, those who see marriage in a negative light will
miss out on the many wonderful things that a loving relationship has to
offer. Emotional companionship, the fulfillment of physical desires, and
the learning experience of journeying through life with a beloved
partner are all examples of what married life has to offer. It provides
one of the best opportunities for personal and emotional growth,
bringing about wisdom and insight on various matters of life. It can be a
source of deep happiness and intense joy, and indeed, some emotions
that can only be experienced through such a bond.
Allah (Subhan wa Ta’ala) describes spouses as being “garments for one another”(2:187);
meaning, that a husband and wife are both an adornment for one another,
and a covering for one another – that they will always make each other
happy, feel beautiful, protect each other and look out for one another.
One major problem in youthful marriages is that of having unrealistic
ideals. Whenever there are Islamic conferences or lectures
discussing marriage, usually the same technical questions are answered
over and over again. Hours of discussion revolve around how the
Sahabah married early and RasulAllah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
encouraged families not to turn away “young men of good character.”
Unfortunately, many young Muslim men unwittingly think that they are
similar to Abdullah ibn Umar, Ali ibn Abi Talib, or Anas ibn Malik in
their Deen and thus, are certain that they will be highly sought-after
as husbands! After all, they follow the Sunnah, go to the masjid, attend
duroos, lead youth programs, and are growing their beards. Why would
any sister they propose to say no?
In reality, the majority of these young men lack basic akhlaaq
(manners) in knowing how to deal with women or even treat them according
to their basic rights. They believe that as men, they have the right to
do whatever they want and say whatever they wish; they will lay down
the rules! They know their rights!
Many Muslim men, especially those who are young and single, do not
realise that marriage is not about being “the boss” and exercising their
power over their wives.
On the other hand, young Muslim women have unrealistic expectations as well. From the very beginning, many demand a high mahr and lay out conditions in the ‘aqd (contract)
to make it clear that she will only do certain things and cannot be
restricted from anything. A Muslim woman’s right, they believe, is that
she does not have to cook, clean, or do housework if she doesn’t want
to; and if she does, it is out of charity to the husband.
She can demand a maid, ask for expensive clothing, be kept at the
standard or above that which she is used to – despite the fact that she
has her own earnings from her own work! She knows her rights and is not
prepared to be flexible. The problem here is that both sides are focusing on what they can
get out of the marriage as individuals, to fulfill their own
materialistic or egotistic needs. They are interested only in exacting
their own rights from the other party, without considering their
spouse’s rights over them. These days, very few people teach Muslim
youth that marriage requires great sacrifice from both sides. It is a
MUST that one knows how to give the other person their rights before
demanding your own.
In order for young Muslims to truly enjoy the benefits
of youthful marriage, it is imperative that they be equipped with a
realistic, holistic view of what it will entail. This can be achieved by
merging an understanding of RasulAllah’s behavior in his marriages with
the understanding that one cannot impose their own expectations on the
other individual without taking into consideration that person’s
character flaws and strengths. Source: saudilife.net
Pure Matrimony ….Where Practice Makes Perfect Want to use this article on your website, blog or
newsletter? You are welcome to reprint this information as long as you
include the following information:Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site For Practicing Muslims Love this article? Learn more by signing up for our updates here:http://www.muslimmarriageguide.com Or register with us to find half of your deen Insha’Allah by going to:www.PureMatrimony.com
By Pure Matrimony - Source: www.saudilife.net Author: Zainab Bint Younus Umm Zainab and Umm Khadijah answer questions and concerns about youthful marriage. 1)How do parents support newlywed youth, both financially and in terms of living arrangements?
Financial support is crucial for those who married while still in high school or just graduated.
A few solutions would be to help the husband find suitable
employment, while providing a monthly stipend in the meantime, or at
least until they are able to financially support themselves completely.
With regards to living arrangements, both sets of parents can
contribute towards renting an apartment, or the couple can work out an
arrangement to live with one set of parents at the family home.
Very young couples, such as those who are still in high school, can
agree to live apart at their own parents’ homes until they can stand on
their own two feet. 2) Should young couples start having children immediately or wait for a while?
Marriage requires a great deal of maturity, and parenthood even more
so! Young couples still studying should agree to wait for a stipulated
amount of time before starting a family, which is Islamically allowed as
long as both parties agree. They first need to adjust to marriage
itself before taking on the incredible responsibility of parenthood.
While Islam encourages married couples to have children, and evidence
proves that it’s healthier to have children while young, parenthood is a
huge responsibility that many young adults don’t take seriously. Just
as youth need to educate themselves about marriage before jumping into
it headfirst, they also need to educate themselves about parenthood and
what to expect. It is imperative that they fully understand the severity
and repercussions of parenthood.
Unfortunately, too many zealous young couples jump into parenthood
immediately after marriage, and cannot cope with the huge learning curve
required of them. Especially in cases where the couple themselves are
having difficulty in their relationship, bringing children into a
difficult situation only makes things worse, not better. 3)Should young couples expect to be in love immediately before or after marriage? How do they know what love is?
Two situations are most common when youthful marriage comes up. In
the first scenario, the couple have already met and interacted (often at
school, university, etc.) and feel that they’re already in love; they
wish to marry so that they can prevent themselves from committing any
sins. In the second, the youth have not ‘met’ anyone yet but want to get
married to preserve their chastity.
In the first situation, there is a hadith which is applicable: Narrated by IbnMaajah (1847),“There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.”(This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah).
In the second situation, both sides need to be aware that as long as
they have chosen correctly (with sincerity, understanding, and
maturity), both the lust and love will come as they get to know each
other on a daily basis.
In both situations, the youth need to be made aware of what ‘love’
truly means. The feeling/ experience of being “IN love” is very
different from the type of love that will evolve in a long-term
relationship (i.e. marriage). They cannot expect their marriage to be
healthy or long-term if they expect that the giddy feeling of being in
love will last; in fact, what they can count on is that it will fade
away very quickly, which is where the true test of maturity,
responsibility, and dedication to their marriage lies.
True love is one that takes longer to show itself, but once planted,
is harder to cut. Youth have to understand that the ‘love’ they think
they feel initially is more lust then deep love. 4) How do parents know if their young adults are
emotionally mature enough for marriage? What if a parent wants to
support their youth (esp. sons) in getting married early, but know that
their child is not mature enough to handle it?
Let’s be realistic: most parents today are a bit clueless as to their
kids’ maturity, especially their sons. Many mothers mollycoddle their
sons into thinking the world revolves around them, instead of raising
them to be responsible young men and adults who know how to take care of
another human being!
If a youth who is not emotionally mature seeks to marry and the
parents realize that, then they should explain to them in clear terms
that marriage is not something to be played with. It has
responsibilities and obligations not just to themselves but to another
person as well. Once the commitment has been made, you can’t just decide
tomorrow that you suddenly prefer the single life and no
responsibilities.
If the young man or woman insists on getting married but still
displays a lot of immaturity, “test” them as a means of pointing out how
much they have to learn. Give them serious responsibilities that are a
small taste of what they will have to expect in a marriage; for example,
finding and maintaining a job, taking care of elderly grandparents,
learning how to manage a household (this applies equally to boys as well
as girls), being made to deal with the emotional consequences of their
actions, etc. 5) Is it easier to get married at a younger age in the West or in Muslim countries?
Youthful marriage is difficult for Muslims in the West as well as in
Muslim countries, from both a legal and societal point of view.
Western countries have a legal minimal age at which young adults can
marry with or without parental permission. In most cases the legal age
to marry with parental permission is 16 for both sexes.
Societally, young marriages are strongly discouraged by parents and
peers, as it is seen to be a responsibility ‘too big’ for youth to take
on; society does not deem them ready for such responsibility. Unless
youth have a strong support system, it is extremely difficult for them
to not only get married, but sustain the marriage through the inevitable
challenges that they will face.
Muslim countries generally are more lax when it comes to the legal
age of marriage, although many countries are trying to combat this by
raising the legal age to 18. However, because it is traditional in many
Muslim countries for people to marry at a younger age, it is much more
common and easier in legal terms for youth to get married. In many
areas, it is still easier for youth to marry in Muslim countries and
receive support from their families and community at large.
Unfortunately, the media only reports cases where youth (especially
young women) have been taken advantage of or had their rights abused.
The main challenges facing youth who wish to marry in Muslim
countries are societal obstacles, such as the practice of demanding an
extravagant amount of money for the mahr. Furthermore, many
youth (especially young men) are not raised to be emotionally mature;
thus, even those who do get married at an earlier age will go through
many difficulties because they have not learned about conflict
resolution, compromise, and how to be compassionate to their spouses.
Youthful marriage is a Sunnah that needs to be revived in order to
combat the many social ills taking place today, both in the West and in
Muslim countries. The prevalence of a hyper sexualized global culture
means that young Muslims are exposed to inappropriate concepts and
images at a younger and younger age, thereby igniting physical desires.
Unfortunately, emotional and mental maturity are not taught and fostered
at a similar rate, leaving Muslim parents and youth in a predicament
that needs to be combated.
Cultivating a holistic understanding of an Islamic marriage is
necessary for all young Muslims who want to do the right thing by
getting married early. They and their parents must be aware of the
Islamic responsibilities that marriage entails, as well as the emotional
maturity and intelligence to maintain a dedicated, long-term
relationship. Muslim youth who make the choice to marry young will face
many challenges and tests, including societal pressure, financial
difficulty, and personal growing pains.
It must also be understood that young marriages are not for everyone,
and it cannot be considered a blanket solution to all of society’s
problems. As much as we strongly advise young Muslims to consider a
young marriage, please proceed with caution.
Finally, it must be remembered that all success lies in Allah’s
Hands. Always turn to Him in prayer, repentance, and supplication,
trusting in Him to guide you to that which is best for you in this world
and the Hereafter. Only by having complete tawakkul in Him alone can Muslim youth hope to have successful marriages that will, inshaAllah, lead to a successful Aakihrah. We ask Allah to help all young Muslims abstain from the haram and pursue thehalal for His Sake, and find spouses that will be a source of love, serenity, and a partner in the journey to Jannah. Source: www.saudilife.net
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Although the following advice is for brothers, it paints a beautiful picture of what a wife should truly be like…
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.hough the following advice is for brothers, it paints a beautiful picture of what a wife should truly be like…
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will
share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams
and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you;
when you need help, she will do all she can for you.
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she
will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you
wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during
the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by
her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all
her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last
thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will
still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur’aan’s verse which
says, “They are your garments and you are their garments.” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187)
Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide
one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support,
and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a
journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us
with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the
journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan
journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness,
mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of
the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that it is an act of Allah(subhanahu wa ta’aalaa),“And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature …” (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah (subhanahu wa ta’aalaa) in His Infinite
Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these
amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’aalaa) is reminding those who search for His signs in
the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among
the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur’an,
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put
love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those
who reflect.” (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah (subhanahu wa ta’aalaa) knows that the human heart is not a
static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can
and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond
might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be
taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from
both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep
growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together.
Strengthening the bond between you and Allah (subhanahu wa ta’aalaa) is
the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain
strong. Having peace with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’aalaa) will always result in having more peace at home. Remember that the Prophet (salallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) gave
glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together.
The Prophet (salallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) even urged the spouse who
rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water
on his/her face.
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses
until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even
great, but not enough! Love should never end and we do believe
there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this
world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and
offsprings. Source: idealmuslimah.com
Pure Matrimony ….Where Practice Makes Perfect Want to use this article on your website, blog or
newsletter? You are welcome to reprint this information as long as you
include the following information:Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site For Practicing Muslims Love this article? Learn more by signing up for our updates here:http://www.muslimmarriageguide.com Or register with us to find half of your deen Insha’Allah by going to:www.PureMatrimony.com
