Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.

By br.Aamir Shamsi

Nikah is the legal binding of a man and a woman in marriage. This relationship leaves deep impressions in the social life of the partners involved, their children, and the stability of the whole community through the institution of family. Therefore, choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives. It is for this reason that Islam establishes this relationship to be a sacred bond that provides an individual with numerous things: a halal source of love, affection, sustenance, children, companionship and a path of trials and tribulations that ultimately ends with our Creator. Accordingly, in the Qur’an, it has been termed as a firm pledge:
“…And they (women) had taken from you a firm pledge.” (Al-Nisa 4:21)
Two key elements to any relationship, particularly in marriage, are trust and loyalty. Although we assume that the importance of these elements is ingrained in us through our upbringing, it is a topic that is losing ground in modern day societies. From my observations, I can say with certainty that the breaking of trust and loyalty leads to devastating effects for those involved.
The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) reported that Allah said, “Whenever I intend to gather the good of this world and the hereafter for a Muslim, I give him a heart which is humble [to Me], a tongue which praises [Me], a body which can bear [worldly] affliction and a believing wife who is a cause of his pleasure whenever he looks towards her and who protects herself and his property when he is absent.”
This is obviously a duty of the husband as well because trust is an essential constituent of love. When trust is betrayed and faith in one’s spouse is compromised, love loses its very essence. It is the duty of a spouse to remain loyal to their partner at all times, especially during times of difficulty. Although love may be temporarily lost, marriage remains a sacred tie. Every relationship is a profound emotional bond and it is universally acknowledged that being unfaithful is one of the worst crimes one can commit against their partner.
It is important that we conduct ourselves in a manner that is pleasing to Allah as well as an additional duty towards our partner. Eyes can wander and unnecessary interaction with non-mahrams has become the norm. Protecting ourselves from all forms of fitnah and keeping away from such a ‘norm’ is also a part of being loyal.
Harun Yahya once said, “Someone who loves his or her spouse for their belief and character will, in married life, be respectful, loyal, and decent. Losing one’s youth, health, or beauty will not affect the love and consideration among spouses for each other, and neither will losing one’s wealth or social status.” Thus real love between a husband and wife does not rest on material or superficial factors. No matter the circumstance, one should always remain loyal to their partner, even if their relationship may be coming to an end.
Acts of infidelity of every magnitude have become far too common and lost their gravity in today’s society. We see signs of adultery in many places, so much so that they have made their way into comic situations in the media and have slowly become a part of the norm. The days when adultery was considered illegal and punishable are gone. Islam protects communities from such an evil, but we are now facing a situation where infidelity is becoming widespread within the Muslim community as well, especially amongst the younger generations.
In addition to protecting ourselves from fitnah, loyalty entails keeping each other’s intimate affairs private, hiding your partner’s flaws, and not complaining about one’s spouse to others because this would cause great pain and tension between the husband and wife. It also includes, as was mentioned in the hadith, protecting one’s property in the spouse’s absence.
Loyalty is a cause and result of the ideal marital relationship that existed between the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and his wives (may Allah be pleased with them). We need not look further than the example of our Prophet and the Mothers of the Believers to learn how to be a good husband/wife through the stories of untainted love, honesty and sincerity.
Additionally, loyalty can involve keeping a positive attitude among partners. This can be expressed through various ways that provide continuous nourishment and life to the relationship. This is why Islam puts much importance on maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner through kind words, appreciation and affection. Islam truly beautifies marriage and upholds its laws which ensure both partners enjoyment of the wonderful blessing of companionship provided by Allah.
Trust in marriage has a special place. Unlike other relationships that tend to require more time and patience for trust to develop, the one between a man and a woman naturally escalates quickly and strongly. Marriage is the closest bond that one can have with another person. It is one where two people share their joys, their sorrows, their desires, their goals, their highs and their lows with each other. The support, patience, beauty and peace that one finds in marriage are unmatched with any other relationship. A relationship built on the foundations of trust and loyalty will blossom into the most beautiful emotion we can experience: love.
May Allah grant us all a righteous partner who will forever remain loyal, be the coolness of our eyes, the tranquility in our soul and a means by which we can gain the pleasure of Allah and fulfill our duties to Allah.
I would like to end with these words I heard from a sister that summarize the concept of loyalty in love: “Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.”

“Muslim Boys have sexual needs, but Muslim Girls don’t?” by Umm Zakiyyah

By: Umm Zakiyyah
Source: http://www.onislam.net/
‘Then, She Slapped Me’
“I remember when I was watching television as a child,” my friend told me, “and there was a wedding scene on TV, and I got excited so I pointed to the screen and said, ‘Look, Mommy! They’re getting married.’ Then, she slapped me.”
In my friend’s culture, sex is such a taboo subject that even the mention of marriage is frowned upon, especially amongst girls.
“So it’s unthinkable to say you want to get married,” she said, bitter sarcasm traceable in her tone. “In my country, a good girl never wants marriage.”
My friend, the daughter of Muslim immigrants to America, shook her head, clearly perplexed by a culture she was connected to by blood but so far removed from in her heart and mind that she had difficulty reconciling that it had anything to do with her. “It’s sad,” she said. “It’s really sad.”
Asexual “Good” Muslims
Many Muslims would view my friend’s culture as “backwards” and “un-Islamic” with regard to how it views women and marriage, and I can’t say I disagree. But what about our own views of marriage and intimacy when it comes to our daughters and other Muslim youth?
Even in the West, many Muslim parents cringe at the thought of discussing intimacy with their children, especially their daughters—despite these same “children” sitting in front of sensual advertisements, watching sexually suggestive content on television (and in video games), and listening to music that leaves very little to the imagination.
What’s more is that many of these Muslim youth attend public (or non-Muslim) schools, where the subject of sex is not at all absent from male-female social interaction and where the curriculum regularly includes the topic of sex (and is not limited to heterosexuality).
Unfortunately, the message that many Muslim youth gather from this confusing existence is that in “Muslim culture,” being a “good person” means being asexual, not only to the extent that you don’t have physical desires, but that you pretend no one does—even your own parents who happen to be married with children.
Thus, in the minds of many Muslim youth, marriage becomes a perfunctory “duty” that you fulfill “when you grow up,” and sexual desire or pleasure plays little to no role in the union.
Double Lives of Muslim Youth
“I may as well have fun now,” one Muslim girl said in defense of her sinful life with a non-Muslim boyfriend. “I won’t after I get married.”
When I ask Muslim youth why they assume they’ll have no fun after marriage, many say that their parents don’t care about compatible mates for them and that their parents will just marry them off to someone with money and status, even if they aren’t even attracted to each other.
“But can’t you just say no?” I ask.
“Not really,” one young woman said. “Because if you do, it’ll cause so many problems in the family that it’s not worth it. I already accept that I won’t have any say in who I’d marry, so I don’t even think about it.”
Not surprisingly, this young woman has chosen the “double life” culture that adheres to the asexual “good Muslim” culture at home, and the open intermingling outside the home (which includes having a secret boyfriend she hopes her parents never learn about).
‘We Don’t Need Marriage Anymore’
“Today, we don’t have to worry about widows and divorced women getting married,” the woman told me. “They have job opportunities and a social welfare system to take care of them.” The woman had been married for more than twenty years and lived a comfortable life as a homemaker to a man she loved dearly. “Polygamy was for the past, when there weren’t any options for single women,” she said. “Now we don’t need it anymore.”
When I hear statements like these (as I do often), I wonder what the woman would think if her husband announced that he would spend no more time with her (emotionally or intimately) and that he would only send her money and make sure her bills were paid.
“Today, we don’t have to worry about making our wives happy,” he could say. “They have television and internet to entertain themselves. Marital intimacy was for the past, when there weren’t any other options for married women,” he could argue. “Now we don’t need it anymore.”
Our Needs Are Less Than Animals?
It’s quite astounding to hear arguments about why youth and divorced women should pursue fulfillment in matters other than marriage—as if satisfaction in worldly accomplishments is somehow mutually exclusive to a satisfying martial relationship. And ironically, these arguments usually come from men and women who are married themselves. This begs the question, what is really going on here?
Do we really imagine that by creating asexual home environments for our daughters and other youth that their natural desires will somehow disappear, and they can now focus on “more important” things?
Do we really imagine that by providing only food, clothing, and shelter to widows and divorced women that all their needs in life are met, and they can live locked away from intimate interaction with the opposite sex—forever?
Amazingly, even activists for the rights of animals decry such thinking concerning dogs, cats, and wild beasts. How could a human being, let alone a Muslim, suggest such a lifestyle for a fellow human being—especially when it’s a lifestyle they don’t accept for themselves?
Muslim Girls Don’t Want Sex?
“Boys have needs,” parents often say, and the underlying implication, is that we should shut our eyes and turn the other way when boys fulfill them (even if they’re not married). Perhaps this sort of thinking is why in some religious circles; it is viewed as an urgency to get “eligible” and divorced men married off as soon as possible—while young adult girls and divorced women need only to be “distracted” and provided for.
Not surprisingly, the idea that Muslim girls don’t (or shouldn’t) have sexual needs of their own is most common in misogynistic societies (and families) where a female is not viewed as a whole human being with individual needs and desires of her own. She is rather been viewed as a commodity to be “given away” when an eligible man wants “something” to fulfill his needs. And if no eligible man requires the girl’s “services,” then she has no “need” to get married.
As I advise and talk to Muslim youth and divorced women struggling in cultural mindsets like these (even in America), my heart aches, and I wonder how something as beautiful as marital intimacy has been reduced to something so “unthinkable”? How come to merely mention the admiration of the bond can risk a girl being slapped—by the very woman who conceived her as a result of marital intimacy itself?